allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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