I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There r osticjed everywhere
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
