so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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