Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
