I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
