hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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