I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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