Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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