Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
