My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
