kristin has been a bad kristin
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
