I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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