Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
