reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
