I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
