I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Success! We fucked roommates!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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