I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
