Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
