So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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