Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
