I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
