Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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