Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Do vagina's smell?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
