i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
