You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
