no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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