Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
