SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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