Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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