I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
