good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
