I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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