Farmville is her only friend.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
