great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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