there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
