So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
