You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
