Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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