On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
