Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
