how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
