I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Who died my cat blue again?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
