I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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