that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
