I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
