i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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