This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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