i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
