the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
