My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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