Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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